Monday, January 27, 2014

Two cultures and two ways of living

A while back I had a coworker who just got back from a 3-month training in India. He was sharing his discoveries, his experiences with us. I still remember his face expression when he exclaimed : " most of my team members live with their parents!" It was something so unbelievable and so astonishing for him.

Then I had a chance to talk to an Indian coworker who came to France for a year assignment. She told me that it was the first time in her life she had to cook for herself, eat by herself and do everything by herself. Even when she went to University to further her studies, she was living with a bunch of friends. Her family would come to visit her whenever she missed them. Life was always surrounded by friends and family.

Coming from Malaysia and now living in France, I know where they are coming from. There is no right or wrong, simply a different preference in life. I wouldn't trade off my life living two years with 11 house-mates sharing a 3-bedroom apartment, but I don't know if I could accept living with my in laws, just like many do in Malaysia. When I was studying in France, I discovered that most of the students lived in a studio, a tiny space where everything is included in one spot : bedroom, living room, kitchen. There were many private studios to rent out to students, and in the University hostel, everyone has their own room/space/studio. That was something I had never seen in Malaysia. My University hostel in Malaysia was consisted of rooms with minimum two students. Most people who rented private property would prefer to share a room or an apartment to minimize the rental cost. The University provided tutorial classrooms and the libraries were opened till mid-night. So students had places to go if they wanted to study in a quiet environment.

My MIL told me that in the past, maybe around 40 - 50 years ago, French families used to stay under one roof too. However the society evolves, and French emphasis on their privacy. Who knows maybe in 50 years, the Indian or the Malaysian societies will go through the same path just like the French? That kids would want to leave their parents and build their nest as soon as they go for their higher education?


11 comments:

  1. Hi Bee Ean,

    I have read few reports about ppl in Europe especially Spain, that youngsters start to move back into their parents house because they can't get a job. Thus, I think it would soon be "normal" that they live with their family.

    Sure for most of the French, living with family seems strange but only us who are brought up in this culture knows the pros for both side and of coz some cons too like many other things in life.

    I will be off to Singapore to celebrate CNY. Wishing you 新年快樂, 吉祥如意

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    1. Well, it happens also in France where the young moved back to live with their parents due to difficult economic situation. However, I watched some reports on TV, both parties didn't like the idea.

      Happy CNY to you, have a blast in Singapore!

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  2. Hi Bee Ean,

    新年快乐.

    Oh welll... I think privacy and living alone is a luxury and is only available to those who can afford it.

    casper

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    1. Hi Casper,

      Happy CNY to you too!
      It seems that a lot of French students are living alone. My husband lived in a tiny apartment when he went to college. I didn't know any of his classmates living with other people.

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  3. From what I have experienced with my French in-laws, privacy is a big deal, especially to my mother in law. We were in between rental situations, so we asked if we could stay at their place for a month, and she seemed annoyed by this idea. I was a little bit surprised by her reaction. I can't generalize, but my husband's aunt thinks the same way, when it comes to her home. As Asian, I'm used to have family members living at home for a period of time.

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    1. We stayed with my in laws for three months when we moved from USA to France. I was ok but my husband started to feel very uncomfortable. His parents did urge him to quickly get a job.

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  4. I wouldn't like to live alone even if I can afford it. I think even here in Msia, most people do not like to stay with their in-laws but it is a different case for single people, most of them are happy to still live with their parents to save money.

    I often read that people in USA are also horrified at the idea of adult children living with their parents. I think it has something to do with sexual privacy. How do you bring potential partners home with your parents still in the house? That's what I think.

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    1. Yes living with your own parents and living with in laws are very different.
      Well I think sexual privacy is a big reason for the young to want to live alone, but there are other reasons too. Young people here want to claim their independence as soon as possible, so that they don't have to follow the rules set by their parents. For example, the first thing my husband told me the first time I went to his parents house, was to not flash toilet after 10pm. That was a big shock for me.

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    2. So after 10pm if you use the toilet and not flush, wouldn't it be very smelly especially if it is for big business?

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    3. Happy Chinese New Year to you and your family! A small celebration by giving ang pow to Aelig?

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    4. The rule in the house is to not make noise after the parents go to bed. So we have to make sure that we have the big business done before that. Or in case of emergency, we cover the toilet with lots of paper and flash the first thing in the morning. This doesn't only apply to my in laws, I know of other French imposing this at home. Once someone complained to me that her kid flashed the toilet and woke her up in the middle of the night.

      Yes we will be celebrating CNY with friends and I usually give ang pow to kids.

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