Wednesday, August 05, 2009

No pressure on boy or girl

In several weeks we should be able to find out the gender of our baby. Some of our French friends here have chosen to not know the gender so that they could have surprise when their child is born. Luckily, me and hubby have the consensus to know whether it is a she or he as soon as we can.

The Chinese community in Malaysia has pretty much evolved and less emphasis on the ancient tradition of having a son. However, the influence of the Confucius thinking of continuing the family name and tree still exist in some families, especially when the person involves is the eldest son in the family. One of my neighbors tried 6 times and have 7 daughters (once she got twin), but she never gave up. Finally, she got a son at the 7th time. In my generation, people who have son at the first try usually feel relief. Those who have daughter wish they could have a son at the second or third try. The younger generation cares less about continuing the family name but most of the time it is their parents who feel guilty if they don't get any grandson as it means the family name ends on their hand. Some people believe they will meet their ancestors eventually one day, so not continuing the family name is a big shame that they could not afford to bear.

I will say that I'm very fortunate to be married into a family that welcome both boy and girl. There is no pressure from anyone around me that I have to have a son or a daughter. From my observation, in general, French families like to have at least a son plus a daughter, but they will not force it by having more kids than they wish. Hubby's paternal grandmother has more than 10 grand grand kids but non of them bear the family name. They are either grand-kids from her daughters or kids from her granddaughters. Our kid will be the first to bear the family name. If he was from a Chinese family, I think I would have all the pressure from the grandmother and even from his parents. But no, the grandmother loves all her grand grand-kids, it doesn't matter which side they are from. Lucky us!

As for me, I wanted a girl but now I'm not sure anymore. During a conversation with my carpooler, he told me that he wished to have a daughter but he is now happy to have two sons. If he were to have a daughter, he would have worried to death about many things: if she will get cheated by other men, pregnant at early age...but now he just need to tell his sons to practice safe sex. I think his logic kind of got into me. As for hubby, he is happy to have either son or daughter, nonetheless he is worried that he has to fight with his daughter to use the bathroom. "Just ask her to put the makeup kit and mirror in the her room", I told him. :-)

1 comment:

  1. Please, slow, down. I just found out you're having a baby and already we have to worry about STDs and alimony!!! Yikes!

    Congratulations, by the way! That's exciting news! And you are pregnant in a civilized country with maternity and paternity leave, plus national healthcare. Uh Oh Spaghettio is having a baby and, with her wonderful stories of having it in France, makes me want to press the rewind button and have one of my own. Which is not easy to do!

    Let's just worry about sweet baby smell and someone you are allowed to kiss with impunity.

    Happy pregnancy!