Wednesday, October 09, 2013

She has two papas

We were playing outdoor when I pointed out a little girl to Aelig.
The little girl and Aelig looked and observed each other.
I continued reading my book, then I heard my daughter telling me : "Maman, she has two papas."
The little girl was entering a house, with two men.
I didn't know how to react, I wasn't expect to talk to my kid about homosexual at this young age.
So I chose the safe way : "Well, the other man is probably her uncle, just like you have a tonton (uncle in French)."

I believe what we parents tell our children will greatly sharp their belief systems in the future.
But, I feel that sometimes what I told my daughter was not entirely right.
For example, at one point, she didn't know how to differentiate between a boy and a girl.
I told her, a boy has short hair. Wrong! There are many men with long hairs these days.
I told her, a boy wears pants. Wrong again! In certain cultures boys wear skirt.
Nowadays she pretty much knows how to judge the gender of kids she encounters.
But she kind of builds up her own judgment : a girl who wears dress or skirt is beautiful, a girl who wears pants are ugly. That probably my fault : each time she wears a dress I would praise how beautiful she is, but I say nothing when she wears pants.

The other day we went to a fest-noz (Brittany dancing party). There was a dwarf dancing. She observed her for a while then asked me why that lady is so small. I told her she was a dwarf, but didn't explain further. A little while later she pointed at the dwarf and threw me the same question. I told her the same answer but I wish I can tell her something more intelligent.

I hope I now how to deal with these awkward moments, for example by coming out with answers that are humorous and educative at the same time. It comes with practices and experiences I guess.


  1. Did the other little girl called both of the men papa?

    Actually there are parenting books about how to answer difficult questions asked by young children.

    1. We didn't hear her calling them papa.
      Ok thanks for the information, I will check online.

  2. Simple word work good, in my daughter class in maternel there was a boy with two mom, the kids didn't ask why nor ask about sexuality : he simply has two mom.
    for the dwarf if wols hav said it's an adoult who couldn't grow.
    if the kids fell your are troubled and elude his question he will know it and take a sadistic pleasure of asking it again and again
    prepare for the next big question : "mama where do baby come from" ^^
    Or for my daugter who know about fertilisation (eggs sperms ..) asked 'but how do the sperm meet the eggs" my wife awkardly eluded the question and several other time she asked. one day in simply answered "dad part goes in mum part" she think about for two second and never come again with the subject.
    they dont realy want to know, they want to know if we know

    1. Nice to know that "they dont realy want to know, they want to know if we know".

      I told her babies come out from their mummies stomach, she didn't press on. :-)

  3. F's niece recently showed me a book she has, called Le Parcours de Paulo by Nicholas Allan. It's about Paulo the sperm, and therefore tells the story of how baby comes about.

    I must say there's a good selection of French books that help children understand different concepts, of which I am very impressed with. However, it is also imperative that measured reactions of the parents come into play. Children learn to gauge from their parents, and children observe their parents closely. I may not have children but I've babysat plenty, I have nieces and nephews, and I have god-children. It makes me more conscious about what and how I say things in front of them.

    1. Thanks for sharing, I will check out the book.