About table manner

Curious about why some French couldn't stand to stay with their parents once they turned adult, I talked to some people and the responses are almost identical: they want their freedom. There are different aspects of freedom they are referring to but I will just focus on one point: Eating manner. For example, freedom to eat at whatever time, whatever food, at whatever speed and freedom to choose where to eat.

Thinking about how the eating manner goes in my family, I would say that I have most part of these freedom when I was staying with my parents. At one point, my mother would come home from work and usually she would rant that she didn't know what to cook. But eventually, like a magician, she managed to put yummy food on the table: usually a plate of meat, a plate of vegetable and a big bowl of soup. We do not have a very formal eating manner in which everyone has to sit together when having dinner. It happened quite often that my mother would go to take shower once she announced that the dinner was ready, someone would be on the phone, someone hasn't arrived from work. Those who are ready to eat would sit around the table and start eating. It could happen that when my mother is out of the shower, some family members have already finished eating and go mind their own business: watching TV, reading, on the phone, go dating with girlfriend/boyfriend. My father is usually the first one to eat and the first one to finish. I was usually among the first to start eating and the last one to finish. Since all the food are in the middle of the table, we could eat more on the dish we like and less on those we don't like. Everyone washes their own dish after dinner.

Down the time line my siblings got married but they come home very often. Sometimes they call my mother to ask if there is anything left to eat. My mother would heat up the leftover or add another dish. Sometimes they bring in a fish they just bought from the night market and my mother would steam it at no time. My happiest moment was when my father suggested to have supper (my gosh I have never have supper in France!). We would go to have a bowl of noodle or just send someone to get the food. The dining table does enforce the family ties, but at a very different way.

Now back to France. My French family has a very formal table manner. Before eating, someone would place the plates, utensils and glasses on the table and they are rules in placing them. Then, my MIL would announce everyone "a table" and everyone has to show up if not the dinner won't start. We usually start with some appetizers while the main dishes are being cooked. Then we pass to main dish and my MIL would serve food from the frying pans and place them directly on our plate. The meal is then followed by some cheese and salad, dessert and a cup of coffee/tea.

It takes some time to finish all 4 courses of food. Sometimes I get bored and have nothing to say so I just keep eating the appetizer and eventually got fulled before we pass to dessert. When I first got here hubby was teaching me many unsaid rules: close your mouth when you eat, can not fart, can not burp, can not start eating before everyone is there, can not leave the table before everyone finishes, can not place your elbows on the table...

When I told my family about the table manner here, they just couldn't understand how people have so much time and so much things to talk about over a dinner. I was amazed at how young adults could having long conversation with their parents' friends or just sit quietly until the end of a meal (I would have long gone to mind my own business to escape boring conversation).

So, staying with my parents in Malaysia, no problem. Staying with my in laws in France, no, I prefer not. :-)